Monday, June 24, 2013

A Stop And Read

The pictures you will see on today's blog are some very moving photos.  Feel free to skip the story and scroll straight to it, but I don't recommend it. :)  It's such a beautiful story and really makes these photos even more inspiring.  But I might be biased!  


 A few months back, I received an email from a mother, Jenn, who was expecting her own child via surrogacy. She needed a photographer to document some of the upcoming milestones, baby shower, maternity, birth, newborn.  I remember turning to my husband with an excitement I had never felt before! As many wonderful emails and stories that have come my way over the last two years since starting this journey, I have never met, in person, another surrogate or intended parent.  My heart was about to burst. One funny side note, Jenn contacted me because she loved my photos, she had no idea that I was also a surrogate. Before I could respond to her email, she had written again telling me she just realized I was a surrogate and that she was a follower of my story already!  It was destiny!  

When I first met Jenn (IM/Intended Mother) and Lauren (surrogate), I was smitten. I did not want to leave either of their sides. I over stayed my welcome, I am sure, and just sat by them.  As the birth drew closer, I began to get more and more excited. I love photographing births, but this one would be extra special.  Jenn was going to help deliver her own son, as Lauren pushed him out.  Teamwork from the beginning all the way until the birth.  






                              Lauren (Surrogate, pictured left) and Jenn, (IM, pictured right) the day I met them.

A little back story on how Jenn and Mark got to where they are today: Jenn and Mark have two sons already. Collin who is 8 years old, and Jack who is 4.   When Jenn got pregnant with Collin it was a surprise. She and Mark were in the process of starting an adoption when she found out she was pregnant. They had chosen adoption because Jenn had had unstable type 1 diabetes for 22 years. During the pregnancy her kidneys started to fail and so Collin wasn't growing. 

The doctors tried to get Jenn to terminate the pregnancy but Jenn knew Collin was a fighter and she continued on. He was born at 26 weeks weighing 1 pound 4 ounces. The doctors thought maybe Jenn's kidneys would come back after Collin was born but they didn't, so 5 weeks after Collin's first birthday she had a kidney and pancreas transplant. After the transplant Jenn went on the website surrogatemother.com and this is where she met Lauren. Jenn and Mark knew they wanted more children but didn't want to go through another life and death situation for mother and baby.

Lauren and Jenn talked off and on for a few months until Jenn's doctors told her it would be ok for her to get pregnant again since she now had new healthy organs. But in week 11 of the pregnancy Jenn's organs started to reject and again they were faced with a life and death for their baby. Again Jenn fought for her baby and won having Jack at 32 weeks. He was 4 pounds 6 ounces and she thought he was fat! As over the moon she was with her little family Jenn just knew it wasn't complete.

She continued to talk with Lauren and other surrogates on surrogatemother.com and pray about this big decision and eventually discovered that not only did Lauren live in Washington state, but she literally lived right around the corner from Jenn! It was an answer to prayer! They arranged to meet and not only did Jenn's heart connect with Lauren's, the boys bonded to Lauren's two kids. For the next 3 years Jenn and Lauren continued to talk about surrogacy but weren't sure it was going to happen with everything else going on in their lives. Lauren had another child of her own and Mark and Jenn moved, but their friendship grew and their love for one another and their families grew. 

Finally last May, Mark and Jenn knew they were ready and Jenn took a pregnancy basket over to Lauren to tell her they were finally ready. Though the pregnancy wasn't always an easy one, as Lauren had to be on bed rest for a number of weeks in the beginning due to a bleed and she went all the way to exactly 40 weeks when they thought she'd deliver earlier, Jenn felt like they went through the pregnancy together. Lauren might have been doing this FOR Jenn and Mark, but it felt like she walked side by side with her through every step of the way. It was a beautiful emotional time.

Although Jenn and Mark had considered adoption in the beginning and were huge advocates for adoption as they have a cousin that is adopted, after having their own children and getting to see one another in those children's faces and actions and personalities it seemed like surrogacy was the best option for them and their family.  Baby Will was due June 14th, 2013. 

I got the call ON baby Will's due date and rushed down trying not to speed (I drove six miles per hour over the speed limit, shhhh).  I arrived right as Lauren was getting her epidural in.  She has given birth three times before and has never had one.  Needless to say, she was enjoying the rest of the birth on a whole new level!   The room was full of people, Jenn and her husband, Mark.  Lauren (of course) and her husband Erik and their 8 year old daughter Jo Jo. Two nurses, myself and the spectacular earth angel midwife, Gretchen.  To me, it did not feel crowded at all, it felt like family, every one of them.   


When it came time to push, Gretchen and Jenn assumed the position. Gretchen lovingly guided Lauren as she began to push baby Will down.  Mark and I stayed hidden in the back corner, recording video and photographing and pretty sure holding our breath (at least I was!).  I could tell the baby was almost out because Jenn's face  morphed into this beautiful expression of love that I could never describe yet only able to recognize as love I have felt for my own children the first time I saw them.  Her face genuinely describes that feeling.   The photo of her helping deliver her son, gets me ever.single.time.



I still cannot believe I was able to witness such a beautiful miracle.  To me, a truly once in a lifetime chance to see and photograph a birth like this. I am so in with love my job, and the people that have continued to bless it with their presence and the stories and memories they share with me. 




                    Jenn (intended mother) holds her son, Will, a few days old. With her friend and surrogate, Lauren, that      
                                                                     carried Will for Jenn and her husband Mark.


The past two years have opened my heart to so many beautiful things in this world.  Surrogacy has not just changed me because I was a surrogate, but because of the community it brought me into and the ways it has opened my eyes and my heart (remember, I used to be anti IVF and Surrogacy!).  I invite everyone to look deeply into all the ways we build families these days and to rejoice in the love that is used to make these families.  Because the rest doesn't matter.  Just the love.  Just the love. 




















  As always, I love reading your thoughts.  What did you feel when you saw these photos? How has surrogacy changed and affected you?  I would love to hear from you and thank you for stopping by.  


With love,
Tiffany


47 comments:

  1. Beautiful story Tiffany. You have a wonderful eye for catching just the right shot! Love your work!
    Kay Ross, Lauren & Erik's Auntie

    ReplyDelete
  2. I too am/was a surrogate and delivered boy/girl twins in 2010. This story and photos are just beautiful!! Literally in tears it just fills my heart with joy. I am always amazed at what a beautiful journey surrogacy is

    ReplyDelete
  3. The IM's face is priceless! Wonderful job capturing the joy in your photos. Beautiful story!

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  4. This made me cry and it's my own story! Beautiful pictures Tiffany! Love YOU!!

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  5. This made me cry too!! I was on the edge of my seat and I KNOW the story and the families involved. Tiffany, these beautiful pictures are the final touch to this amazing story.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have three children... a stepson by marriage, a daughter via artificial insemination and another daughter via embryo adoption. All my kids have different biological ties to me and I love it. I would love to be a surrogate, but I had horrendous nausea and heartburn with my two pregnancies, so I don't think it would be a good fit for me or fair to my dear husband. I love your photos of these women and that you captured sisterhood in a sacred moment. We are all sisters on this earth, and to love and support each other is why we are here, I believe. These women exemplify that. Families are formed in many, many ways and they are all beautiful. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was just beautiful! Congratulations to both families, and great job capturing those amazing moments for them. I saw the photo you posted in our birth group and am just now FINALLY able to sit down and enjoy your blog post on it. Love, love, love!
    I've been interested in surrogacy (as a gestational carrier) for a couple of years now, but never work up the guts to REALLY look into it. Anyway, I'm just in awe. What an amazing story!

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  8. Just gorgeous! I'm a friend of Jenny's and was surprised and thrilled and how well you summed up her heart-warming/ life-threatening story. What a great blog! So well told, so well photographed, so loving and moving. Great job! What an amazing story. Everyone involved is a true gift... what a blessing!

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  9. Such a beautiful story and beautiful photos!!!

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  10. Thank you, Tiffany, for sharing our storing so beautifully. You have been a blessing, too, through part of our journey. Hugs and love!

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  11. You captured such an amazing moment in their lives! Mom's face has "love" written all over it. I found your blog searching for stories that will help me prepare to be a surrogate. I went to the IP's IVF doctor yesterday to see if my body would "pass" the test to be a carrier. Well, he told me my uterus looked "beautiful" : ) We are proceeding with lawyers today and moving forward. I am 40 and have two amazing girls and a supportive, amazing husband. I am so excited and nervous because this is all coming together. Thanks for your truthful, insightful, wonderful blog. My best friend is a professional photographer and I have forwarded her your blog so she can get some inspiration in what we hope will be a successful embryo transfer next month! Keep your fingers crossed!

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  12. Oh how beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this story. I really hope you keep blogging here. :-)

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  13. I just read your story it really touched my heart.Your daughter is sooooo beautiful. I just love all the clicks. Thanks for sharing us.
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  14. I just got off a 12 hr night shift and even though I am exhausted I read the entire story with a huge smile on my face. Surrogacy as brought miracles into our lives. After the birth of our first daughter, I can close to death. I ended up with a hysterectomy. I was able to keep my ovaries! We had an amazing gestaional surrogacy journey with a beautiful lady! We just meshed and it was awesome. I love looking at our pictures from then. We were on another journey this year and lost our beautiful daughter at 19 weeks. We were heart broken. Our surrogate and family were great through the whole process. We pray every day that God send us another surrogate as great as these two ladies! Our lives have been touched!
    So we are on the look out for another surrogate! :0)
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  15. Makes me cry. Every. Single. Time. ;) Thanks so much for sharing.

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    تقوم شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالمدينة المنورة بعمليات رش بالمبيدات الحشرية الخاصة داخل المنازل وخارج المباني كما يقوم فريق العمل برش المخابئ بمبيدات معدة خصيصاً لإبادته نهائي بدون رجوع مرة أخرى مثل الاثيروسين ويستعين الفريق بمعدات متخصصة تحت إشراف فريق مدرب وقوي للتعامل الجيد مع أنواع الحشرات المتنوعة ليحصل العميل على كل ما يتمنى.

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  45. This made me cry and it's my own story! Beautiful pictures Tiffany! Love YOU! Share a site gogomum for baby products, and the most popular mama hat, every mom needs this.

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